sperlygirl

awakening my quiet...

i have felt quiet here the past week...it's been a challenging week parenting and because of that perhaps i have felt reflective. i knew parenting would be hard but sometimes i think what i thought the hard parts would be don't match the reality. i mean, i figured i am a teacher, and i have great tactics for behavior management in my classroom which serve me well; i didn't anticipate that they wouldn't work with my son. i didn't anticipate toddlers would be intuitive enough to discover your emotional buttons and then push them with all their might. i didn't anticipate analyzing tactics and techniques and then having full-on strategy meetings with j on how best to work with kai -- only to continually reflect later, wonder and worry.

here's what i do know so far on my journey into motherhood -- the short 3 years it has been so far -- it expands you as a person in so many ways. it brings out so much from deep within the core of your being that you never even imagined was there. it constantly forces you to take a good look at yourself, your life, your values and how you're living life. it tests you on every level imaginable and then more that you wouldn't expect. it fosters constant change in your world - constant growth. it has bubbled to the surface what is truly important. it is rewarding, challenging, inspiring, and hard.

**and it all changes in the blink of an eye, captured beautifully here in this video **

to be honest...

after i wrote my post last night...i started to think a bit. blogs can be a bit deceiving at times because i am able to select specific moments of my life to share and i choose to focus that on the positive ones. that's not to say there are not negatives - like the hour and a half long battle of wills tonight of a toddler and his defiance to clean up his room that resulted in several trips to the naughty chair while i watched the clock and tried hard to bring my blood pressure back to a normal rate...i don't mention these things here because this is my space to reframe my thinking and channel those images and glimpses of my world. i try very hard to 'keep things real' here (like the fact i am pretty sure i earned several new gray hairs tonight) but i also think it's important to note (as i know i can get caught up in the whirl of blogs and glimpses into other's worlds and start to wonder why my own feels so skewed) that although what i share is real it may not always be the whole picture - and that is for my own sanity and to maintain the specialness of this small space.

feeling the sunshine...

dinosaurs, little cars, wooden trains, vegetables trucks, silly songs, goodnight dream lists, mountains of books, paints, crayons, little drawings, surprise hugs, fits of laughter, squeals of joy, tears of frustration, grumpy faces, simple apologies, little treasures, buildings made of blocks, you discovering this world...these are the little things, my little prince, that have become the most meaningful things in my world.

**for the sunshine you bring to my days**

the vegetable truck...

i must share photos of a special birthday gift for kai that has been the focus of much delight around here. it is a beautiful wooden vegetable truck made by j's dad, or 'bumpa' as he's known around here -- with the painted details done by 'nana'. kai has been so interested in vegetable trucks -- not sure where that's come from, perhaps it's the vegetable stands that are set out in truck beds around the city. but he told his bumpa he'd like his very own vegetable truck one day. and being such an artist with wood with a nana who is a talented painter and illustrator -- well, it has made one little man so very happy. i am touched that he is able to have such a special gift that was made with such loving hands.

a 3rd birthday full of wishes...

Dear Kai,
Happy 3rd Birthday, little man! This year has been full of changes for you -- you are taking on the world by storm. Full of conversation, full of wonder, full of discovery, and full of spirit. You take on each day with gusto and never want to surrender it. You show concern for others, big or small, with your tender heart. You spend countless hours building towers, drawing rocket ships, and re-reading favorites stories.

My wish for you is that you always find the hope in every dark night. That you seek ways to help others without concern for personal gain. That you allow your heart to dream big and urge your spirit to follow. That you listen to the wisdom within you. That you choose to listen to others with an open heart. That you be willing to stand your ground, but gain perspective by considering all sides of the situation before making decisions. That you own your mistakes, learn from them, and grow. That you respect others opinions and believe in your own. My wish for you, Kai,  is that you live in happiness.

Happy Birthday, mi amore!

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow." ~Anon

reflecting on hope...

i look at his little hands and my heart wishes and hopes that his life will find a way to help others, reach out to others, and make a difference in this world - peacefully and lovingly. i have been thinking a lot about dr. king today and recalling the visit to the king center in atlanta that i took when i was very young. i remember being completely humbled by his message and by the impact that he had on so many. tonight, i am looking at my own life and wondering just how i can find more ways to reach out and help others.

"Life's most urgent question is: what are you doing for others? ~Dr Martin Luther King, Jr

16 things about me and more light...

yesterday, i read kelly's 16 things - and thought i'd give it a go...(gulp!)

1. i spent a huge part of my childhood as a competitive figure skater -- still to this day when i am anxious, can't sleep, or hear a moving piece of music - i am skating to it in my mind.

2. my dad was the one who introduced me to photography - when i look through my lens i imagine that he is able to see my world through there too.

3. i am very health conscious but love an occasional cold coke - preferably in a glass bottle.

4. i am obsessive about planners -- yet i am admittedly an awful keeper of one. i constantly buy new ones in hopes that they will help but haven't unlocked that magic yet.

5. believe one of my most cherished possessions is the receipt from the tuxedo rental that my dad kept from when he walked me down the 50 yd line for homecoming in high school - one of my last few memories of just the two of us.

6. absolutely love the feel of sand on my bare feet and could easily spend the rest of my life in flip-flops - no matter the outfit or occasion.

7. love the scent of lavender -- true, real, pure lavender - and whenever i pass by a plant will take a leave to carry with me.

8. since living in italy have become quite the cafe snob...they love their cafe here and have convinced me too.

9. panic when trying to cook. seriously, i do not find it relaxing in the least and think it completely makes me sweat. i can bake no problem - but give me more than one dish to manage, forgetaboutit.

10. always look for 'treasures' when am out walking about -- could be anything natural, coins, discarded items - usually never come home empty handed.

11. am a recovering vegetarian...swore off meat for about 15 years until a trip to france on a budget left me starving - one can only eat so many bread, cheese and butter sandwiches until one flips out from hunger. i still wave off all red meat though -- that one i can't recover from.

12. spend a lot of time staring off into space and daydreaming.

13. am an obsessive flosser - this happened in college - not sure why. think a hygienist convinced me that flossing made you live longer and now if i try to skip it - the floss mocks me from shelf and i give in.

14. get very nervous in new situations and with new people. you wouldn't know it from being around me but on the inside i am a mess until i am able to establish some sort of comfort zone. this has happened to me for as long as i can remember.

15. look for signs from the universe - messages just to me - and am convinced i see them in various places... little nudges, nods, or reassurances.

16. talk to myself.....often. (thankfully, i don't answer...yet)

**this photo is of the sunset this evening. as we drove home, we realized that it's staying lighter later (which i love) and by the time we got home the colors where just starting to fade into the night.

a well full of wishes...

a perfect lazy sunday afternoon spent strolling to the sea only to stop for a leisurely lunch and to peek into the fountain to glimpse the glimmer of the sparkly wishes cast inside.

and the winner is...

 i just want to thank you for all your lovely comments and your brave, beautiful and inspiring descriptions of where you'd fly if your wings had no boundaries. they were heartfelt, uplifting, and full of possibility. i hope that fearlessness stays with each of you in the coming days, months and year! and congratulations to deb, it looks like this little bird painting found a new home to fly to. if you'll send me an email with your contact info, deb, i will send her on her way. i hope to try this again sometime...

gentle reminder...

today i heard a story of loss, it was heartbreaking. and it made me hug my little boy tighter this evening. it made me realize the mountain of fears that come with motherhood. the fear of not being able to protect him from all the evils of the world or all the monsters in the closet. what this story did for me tonight was to gently remind me to soak up each and every moment, to cherish each new discovery, stage, and change he makes along his journey, and to savor the love he has planted in my heart and my world.