sperlygirl

big changes unfolding here...

it has been a whole week now that you have been sleeping in your 'big boy bunk beds', little man. i still have to blink when i walk into your room and do not see your crib. a teeny bit of my heart broke that day we moved it out of your room ~ a fleeting sadness at knowing you had outgrown it and a flutter of excitement at the possibilities that lay before you as you continue to grow.

such is the tug of motherhood, i guess. it's the tug i feel the least prepared for. and even now with your little brother on the way, i am caught once again by conflicting emotions. of course, i am excited at the arrival of another into this family but i am also a bit trepidacious at how your world will change. i know your heart is big enough and willing enough to embrace this new little person with love (although i am sure there will be moments). it is again a complex crossroads of tugging on my heart strings that i didn't expect now, nor do i know quite how to navigate.

so we just continue...we breathe in and breathe out, we watch the tides roll in and roll out, and all the while we keep our hearts open and love one another. that is the best i can offer, and hopefully it will do, mi amore. and i promise i will do my best, little man, to handle it all as you grow your wings and face this world.

*to my little yellow star ~ ti amo*

26 weeks...

i am thinking that this teeny one is so full of sweetness it will make up for the sugar i am no longer able to have in my diet. all should be fine as long as i am that diligent with my diet and fitness.

kai is so very interested and curious about his baby brother. he is spilling open with love for this teeny one ~ which makes my heart open wider and gives me much courage on days when i feel a bit fretful.

26 weeks...this teeny one is much more active than kai was. he dances constantly across my belly ~ especially when kai's voice comes near.

little man, you will be such a wonderful big brother. you have so many gifts to share and so many things to teach this teeny one. and to this teeny one, you are already teaching me big lessons even though we have not met yet. your journey here has been filled with some unexpected moments. you have reminded me gently to embrace these moments - their fears, their hopes, their possibilities.

"When I approach a child
He inspires in me two sentiments:
Tenderness for what he is,
And respect for what he may become.
Chaque enfant réveille en moi
Tendresse et respect;
Tendresse pour ce qu'il est,
Respect pour ce qu'il deviendra."

~Louis Pasteur

(photo taken by j)

sharing...

again, i debated long and hard over sharing this here on this space - but i felt that perhaps talking about it would help to accept it and move through some of the 'uncomfortable' parts. last week, i received news that i was named DoDEA teacher of the year for the Mediterranean district. this is a true honor for me, but also one that honestly, takes me out of many of my comfort zones - but i felt the possibility for bringing attention to the vital need for the intregration of strong fine arts programs in our public schools (now more than ever) is much bigger than my comfort. the true gift to me was the letter from the parent who saw first hand how art has helped his son grow and transform ~ that tops any of the accolades, and will be the one i cherish most.

remembering meaning...

this week has been a whirlwind of emotions for a myriad of reasons...and tonight we gathered with good friends. it just made me pause and realize the most important things in life ~ sharing the journey with dear friends (and appreciating this).

i hope you all have a lovely weekend and are able to share a bit of it with people in your life who bring you inspiration.

**this tune always brings a warmth to my heart and a smile to my face**

realizing the illusions...

i thought long about posting this as it seemed a bit too personal, but then i reminded myself that there is strength that is gathered when we share our stories - our triumphs and successes, our challenges, our fears, and our heartbreaks.

this week, i was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. as it is, i am rather obsessive about health, nutrition and fitness due to my family history - so hearing this brought on a myriad of emotions for me. i understand that with careful monitoring, the baby and i will be healthy, and i take comfort in that.

all of this helped to remind me that control is such an illusion in life. you can think you have prepared and planned for it all only to be humbled and shaken back to the reality that we control nothing.

what matters most is how we react to what life hands us - will we be positive and proactive? or will feel defeated and become reactive? i believe in the power of positivity, the healing power of quieting your mind to finding your inner-strength, the courage found in love, and the hope that is fostered from possibility. i am not saying that maintaining this mindset is easy...therein lies the challenge...but it is there where i hope you will find me.

sp wednesday...

i don't know why it is that it feels so revealing and vulnerable to put yourself in front of the lens. i am trying to become more comfortable with that as i feel it is easy to get caught up with simply viewing life through your lens.

as much as i see art as a process as opposed to the creation of a specific work - i find the uncovering and exploration of oneself a similar process or journey.

"One can have no smaller or greater mastery than mastery of oneself."
~Leonardo DaVinci

beginnings...

this weekend we strolled the beach, toes in the water, sand warm underneath our feet...it was evident that spring is ever so quickly giving way to summer here. the beaches are set-up and cars are beginning to line the neighborhood streets. there is something so exciting about the approaching summer and all that she will bring with her.

a comforting ritual...

all's well that ends well...to end a long week this afternoon greeted me with a hot cup of chamomile tea (isn't this mug beautiful - made by a wonderfully talented potter, mylnn, - and given to me by my mom), lingering evening sunshine, and a skype call with my sweet grandmother and aunt. just what i needed.

i am also happy with the fact that i feel i have several creative ideas brewing on the back burner. i hope to share with you soon, but am not there yet. i have been listening to 'my heart's whispers' (thanks kelly) and feel good about tuning them in, soaking in their requests, and discovering the courage to follow them.

wishing each of you a lovely weekend!

turning a stone...

yesterday was a bad day - and for reasons too long to list here - but it ended with me hitting my little toe on the shower and hearing it crunch. i am sure it is broken. it's the little one, the only bone i have ever broken in my body and i have broken it several times. not worth a trip the the doc as they just tape it to the next. so today i am just trying to put the bad day behind me and focus on some positive energy. we laughed a lot tonight, i soaked up every moment of our story time, i got back on the yoga mat after several weeks (and my body totally thanked me ~ as did my spirit). i try to remember on those bad days (and the good ones and the in-between ones) that attitude is what makes the difference in our perceptions of life - that finding a positive angle does a world of good for our mind, bodies, and spirits.

**as does a beautiful tune too**

a locket of love...

a vintage locket complete with photos of my little man - a perfect gift for a sweet day.

**a sweet tune to start your week**