we are nearly ready to celebrate the season in our cozy little home. this season has been bittersweet (to be very honest).
sweet for so many reasons - like going to see kai's first christmas pageant at asilo. my heart walked up on stage dressed as a little shepherd. my eyes filled with tears as i watched him sing 'silent night' in italian and my smile beamed as he peered out into the dimly lit (and packed) audience to find our faces and wave at us all. i never knew my heart to hold so much pride, so much love, and so much gratitude for him having this experience with this community. sweet - for the string of dimple filled smiles ryder gives us all freely some with little giggles attached, and for how he stares and stares up at his big brother and watches his every movement. sweet - for the fact my mom is here with us and is helping a lot with all that is going on. and sweet - for the fact that ryder's mysterious sore has closed and although leaving a nasty looking scar (which we are hopeful will fade over time) we are thankful that he has finally begun to clearly heal.
bitter for the fact that my little shepherd boy has been fighting chronic ear infections and illness since september - being on and off antibiotics, not being able to hear many things, and will now have to have his adenoids removed and tubes put in his ears. bitter because we have good days and days where we are clearly sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. bitter because i haven't been prepared for the utter helpless feeling it is to watch your child feel sick and not be able to make them feel better. we are fortunate to have the care of a kind and patient doctor, and we know that these procedures will help to solve some of the problems. until then, i am crossing my fingers that santa has boxed up a lovely gift of good heath for us all to open.
so with all of that being said, as i told a dear friend earlier - it makes it a bit more challenging to seek out the magic in the season, but all the more important. we may be quiet here the next few days as we nestle in to share the warmth and love of family and friends - those that are here and those that we will connect with in some way. sending each of you warm smiles and wishes for a lovely holiday and a new year that is full of promise!
