our house has been recovering from multiple rounds of strep throat in the last several weeks and this morning, i am trying very hard to ignore the soreness i awoke with in my own throat, in an all out refusal to become sick.
but i also know that life has felt a bit heavy lately and stressful. my grandmother is recovering and that has weighed on my heart along with the care of sick little pirates and regular stresses that come with work. when life piles up like this, my immune system takes a hit. so i conjured up what works best for me at those moments. sitting in a steamy hot bath sprinkled with lavender, i watched the steam rise to paint on the windows with droplets of water and listened to the church bells ring from down the street. i soaked and sipped on hot tea sweetened with honey and i gathered my thoughts up in a blanket of silence. it may not "fix" anything, but i have learned that what it does do is provide the respite needed to face things. much like unrolling my yoga mat, and flowing through sequences - even if it is only for a few moments. those moments connect to a stillness inside where strength dwells (often times a strength that i forget is there).
i discovered that strength many years ago. i lost my father unexpectedly when i was 18. his absence and the events that unfolded beyond that, took the rug out from underneath me. life became extremly difficult and soon i began to walk through it hollowed, empty, and numb. it was a dispair that could have easily taken me with it. but i am thankful to those around me with watchful eyes who offered what they could to ensure i stayed afloat. and to the dr who suggested i walk outside every morning -- with no goal other than to notice.
i didn't walk for many mornings finding her suggestion ridiculous. but then one morning, i did. each step was painful and tearful and i thought the attempt failed and wasteful. but i awoke the next morning and walked again. it took time, but on those walks i began to find a peace in the tiny things that i noticed. i awakened a strength inside that held my broken heart and saved my life. and i realized then, the power of resilence as i learned with each step how to walk through grief.
i am not sure why i am sharing this story here now exactly other than the fact that i know the care of ourself to be one of great importance. and sometimes the greatest gift we can give ourselves is that of simply listening to what we need.