sperlygirl

ready or not - here it comes...

the christmas cookies are down to a scattered few, the decorations are in the process of being lovingly boxed up until next year, the holiday is drawing to a close, and tonight marks the night of fresh starts and new beginnings.

yesterday we spent the day in the hospital as kai had his surgery to hopefully help his ears. it was a long day and he was an absolute trooper. i had this gem of a book with me, and ironically, the chapter i found myself reading was 'worrying about your children'. it was quite powerful for so many reasons. this quote really stayed (and stays) with me - it's a quote i have had on my desk at school for many years but it felt more powerful yesterday.

"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make this world." ~ Buddha

as i look forward to 2010 tonight, my heart is open with anticipation at all that she will hold. this year, i am participating in ali edward's one little word. after thinking long and hard the last couple of days on just the right word to project for 2010, it found me....FOCUS. this word has special meanings on so many levels. it perches on my heart. she will be my mantra as i walk into the new year tonight.

not one for resolutions, but i am one for throwing out the net to capture our wildest dreams - here is a listing of what i hope to focus on for myself in 2010 - wild dreams included: opening my own etsy shop for my photographs and artworks, starting (and keeping) a gratitude journal, a daily yoga/meditation practice - even if it's only a few minutes a day, a regular running schedule (thx santa for the nike+ipod!), mindfulness, practicing my italian, sewing this and this (ok kt, will need you on this one!), dusting off my knitting needles and learning something other than a scarf, showing my artwork, cooking on the weekends (am so thankful j handles this during the week - we eat so well because of him!), and giving back.

i am grateful for the kind words, comments, opportunities and friendships that have evolved from this blog. i am grateful for this little space to express myself and for so many of your blogs that i visit often and leave feeling inspired. thank you for all that you share. wishing each of you a wonderful new year and may it be full of laughter, love, friendship, and promise! buon anno! warmly, s

on the eve...

we are nearly ready to celebrate the season in our cozy little home. this season has been bittersweet (to be very honest).

sweet for so many reasons - like going to see kai's first christmas pageant at asilo. my heart walked up on stage dressed as a little shepherd. my eyes filled with tears as i watched him sing 'silent night' in italian and my smile beamed as he peered out into the dimly lit (and packed) audience to find our faces and wave at us all. i never knew my heart to hold so much pride, so much love, and so much gratitude for him having this experience with this community. sweet - for the string of dimple filled smiles ryder gives us all freely some with little giggles attached, and for how he stares and stares up at his big brother and watches his every movement. sweet - for the fact my mom is here with us and is helping a lot with all that is going on. and sweet - for the fact that ryder's mysterious sore has closed and although leaving a nasty looking scar (which we are hopeful will fade over time) we are thankful that he has finally begun to clearly heal.

bitter for the fact that my little shepherd boy has been fighting chronic ear infections and illness since september - being on and off antibiotics, not being able to hear many things, and will now have to have his adenoids removed and tubes put in his ears. bitter because we have good days and days where we are clearly sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. bitter because i haven't been prepared for the utter helpless feeling it is to watch your child feel sick and not be able to make them feel better. we are fortunate to have the care of a kind and patient doctor, and we know that these procedures will help to solve some of the problems. until then, i am crossing my fingers that santa has boxed up a lovely gift of good heath for us all to open.

so with all of that being said, as i told a dear friend earlier - it makes it a bit more challenging to seek out the magic in the season, but all the more important. we may be quiet here the next few days as we nestle in to share the warmth and love of family and friends - those that are here and those that we will connect with in some way. sending each of you warm smiles and wishes for a lovely holiday and a new year that is full of promise!

magical...

there is something so very magical about this time of year. you can feel it when you are out and about, and you can feel it as a whisper in your soul. even the light seems to cast a more inviting glow. i love all the preparations that lead up to the holidays. the scurrying, the baking, the lazy mornings, the afternoon walks, the catching up with family and friends, and the simple slowing down of the world a bit. this alone does wonders for my spirit. not to mention there is all this possibility and anticipation lingering in the air. i can't help but look forward to the new year and dream of what her 365 days will hold. it truly is a magical time of year and not just because of our traditions and holidays, but because of the ability to take stock of the blessings in my life, to take the time to appreciate the simple joys that imprint on my heart, and to marinate in the reflective moments which seem to emerge. i hope that you too are enjoying bits of the same.

a blanket of white...

kai told me he dreamed of building snowmen the other night ... and then we awoke magically to a dusting of snow! the first snow he's ever seen and the first this area has seen in about 5 years. and although it isn't enough to blanket the ground; it is enough to build some whoppin' snowballs (and freeze the washing machine!).

oh how i wish i could bottle up the giggles and laughter that took place as he and j had a impromptu snowball fight on the way to the christmas pageant at his aslio (preschool).

so since laundry is out of the question, looks like we'll all have to snuggle up with a warm hot cocoa topped with lots of snowy marshmallows !

**a classic to celebrate with**

mondo beyondo part one...

i am joining andrea in her mondo beyondo journey here...

1. What do you want to acknowledge yourself for in regard to 2009?(What did you create? What challenges did you face with courage and strength? What promises did you keep to yourself? What brave choices did you make? What are you proud of?)

2009 allowed me to create our son, ryder, and welcome him into the world. i faced a pregnancy that had a few bumps along the way when i developed gestational diabetes and had to eliminate sugar from my diet and introduce insulin - it was here i found a renewed sense of strength and courage. in the realm of possibility of things that could have come up during a pregnancy, this certainly wasn't alarming, but it did require that i stretch out of my comfort zone and rely on inner strength at times. i promised myself that i would trust the process (and my incredible doctor) with this pregnancy and birth and i did just that. i am so proud that ryder was born before that epidural kicked in - always was curious what a natural birth would be like and now i know and can say that as soon as ryder met the steady hands of the midwife, i had a smile on my face and was completely full of joy from the entire process (i will also be truthful and say that the process itself wasn't necessarily easy or joyous but in hindsight i relish every life altering moment of it).

2. What is there to grieve about 2009?
(What was disappointing? What was scary? What was hard? What can you forgive yourself for?)

i think this is an on-going forgiveness - for not being able to juggle all the things i wish i could. i realize this is an impossibility and now i simply strive for doing what i can and doing that well while recognizing, breathing in, and savoring the simple details and joys in my life that can so often times (and sadly, so easily) be overlooked. what is hard? the realization that i cannot 'do it all' and allowing myself to be ok with this.

3. What else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete? Okay, the next step is to say out loud, "I declare 2009 complete!" How do you feel? If you don't feel quite right, there might be one more thing to say...

i can declare 2009 complete - and be forever grateful for the gifts and lessons she provided me in her abundant 365 days. i feel i began 2009 as one person and close the year as another - a bit braver, a tad stronger, a bit more wide awake, more creatively thirsty, more willing to leap, and most importantly - more full in my heart.

The final step is to consider your primary focus for the year to come. What is your primary intention or theme for 2009? Is it the year of joy? the year of self-care? the year of partnership? Stand up and say it proud, "2009 is my year of...."

2009 is my year of birthing into this world not only my son, but a stronger spirit, a braver heart, a more solidified creative vision and a more realistic and gentler conscious.

in the air...

truly, december is here...kai and i felt it as we shopped around town this weekend. the streets are lined with teeny lights, shop front windows are aglow with dazzling displays, markets are scattered among the piazzas, and people seem to be a bit kinder to one another. experiencing the holidays through the eyes of a nearly 4-year old brings so much magic to my heart. with every santa we'd pass by, he would squeal with delight - "babbo natale!!"

yesterday we spent the afternoon trimming the house. kai bubbled with delight with each new item and would cry out "we're decorating, we're decorating!!" as he stuck vinyl stockings to the window pane or ran over to set snowmen on tables, slowing only to sneak sips of hot cocoa brimming to the rim with marshmallows in his holiday mug. ryder kept time, sleeping peacefully in his rocking chair, bundled in long sleeves and a hood (it's chilly in here!).

**and this tune once again captured my heart as we laughed, smiled, and decorated **

wishes of a new year full of promise...

as 2008 winds down, i think of all the treasured moments that took place, the happy ones and challenging ones, the meaningful ones and the ordinary ones - and i am so grateful for each.

i am also thankful for this teeny space that has provided so much - for all the encouragement, inspiration, community, and new friends it has found. my heart swells with gratitude for the friendships it has brought.

on the eve of this new year, my deepest wishes are this - that next year i take it easy on myself, step confidently into my creative pursuits, breathe deeply, find the beauty in the ordinary moments and savor them, to keep those i love close and let the little things go and to find the possibility and promise in each and every day.

i wish the same for you...have a lovely new year!

making way for the new...

i always like this part of the holidays - the in-between christmas and new years. i like to go through things, try to simplify my life a bit, purge some of the old things to make room for the new, review some of the thoughts, patterns, or habits i wish to release to make room for possibilities in the new year. i will post more on that later...but tell me what would you wish to acquire in 2009? if you had no obstacles placed in your way, i'd love to hear.

holiday wishes...

wishing each of you a holiday full of laughter, love, joy, and warmth ~ and a new year that rings full of promise and possibility.

a tune to quietly ring in christmas...

evening out the scales...

finally, now that a break has arrived i am feeling the scales balance themselves out a bit and am able to enjoy this time of year for what it means to me -- connecting with those i care most about in this world. be it long walks with a little boy who is content to run up and down large piles of sand by the seaside, or sharing emails with friends from different points of my life, or phone conversations with family and friends who are my selected family, to long talks about the world, life, and of course films with j, and being able to carve out the creative time i crave for painting or even a sewing project. it is a time to re-balance the scales, to rejuvenate, and to hibernate a bit from the outside world and listen to the whisperings of my heart. this is the true gift of the holiday season.

"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant."
~Robert Louis Stevenson