sperlygirl

time...

several circumstances lately in our world have reflected back to me the sheer preciousness of time and the deep reminder of how finite it is. it has occupied much of my thoughts lately when my mind drifts. i have come to realize there is no price that could ever match its value. i feel its bitter sweetness when i look at my boys and how quickly they grow. i see its souvenirs in the fine lines that greet me now when i smile. mostly, i have been reminded...again...at the gift that it is. 

it's so easy to meaninglessly fill up our time, to shuffle through busyness and then feel weighted down by the stresses that brings. and with that, find ourselves emptying of joy and wonder. it is not easy to stay present in our days any longer, with so many distractions at our fingertips or tugging at our attentions, but perhaps on those rare occasions we are able to stay within the moment, we will glimpse the true gift that time is.

from stillness..

this morning i savored the stillness. the quiet moments where the cats and i wake together and begin the morning seemed healing on some sort of deeper level. i lingered in the bathroom to listen to the songs of the birds who awake with such melody in their calls. as it is a holiday for the italians today, the neighborhood seemed to be hanging on to this calm and quiet this morning too, before shutters rise and beaches fill with laughter, lunches, and long strolls together. i drove into work, radio off, in hopes that the morning light would reflect the soothing feel of the morning's soundtrack. this stillness was a gift this morning. a comforting container to insulate against the charged feelings the world and simply everyday life has seemed to hold lately. 

it was a short-lived moment of serenity...because you know, then life cranks up the volume and i feel i am ducking and dodging moodiness from those around me, being without hot water at home for day 2 and although repairs are forthcoming - one really discovers how grateful she is for hot water pretty quickly, swarms of mosquitoes that seem to lay in wait until flesh steps out of vehicles, cookies made for friends with the best intentions that decide to have a life of their own and do not wish to separate from their baking sheet, little pirates who think it's funny to lick (um, yes, i did say lick) the screen door and run away laughing (or crying - as that can change on a dime), and coming in the door from work to find everyone resonating on that cycle of totally heightened emotions...and not a hot bath in sight! (((deeeeeep breath)))

a reminder...

i was going to write about other things today, but in light of many things that are happening in the world and close to home, i kept coming back to this as my mantra, love. i don't view life through rose colored glasses, i am practical but also hopeful and optimistic. and i believe ever so strongly in the transformative power of love. love on the deep, soulful, inter-connected sense. love whose faint whisper can still be heard when the world around her is chaotic and noisy. love who runs head on into the dangerous unknown to offer aid and be present. love who reassures from a distance and envelops in warmth when near. love who fills voids where emptiness once lived. 

learning to expand...

for the last several years, like many others, i have chosen a word to guide my year. it's like setting a clear intention for a direction i wish to navigate my life, but it's gentler feeling (to me) than coming up with resolutions.

i have held this year's word close to my heart so far. getting to know what she means to me exactly and the shifts i hope she reminds me to acknowledge as the year unfolds. it kinda felt right to share her here now as she has been whispering in my ear for several months.  ...expand...

and by this i mean: expand my heart, my creativity, my thinking, my experiences, my journey with fitness and health, my evolution as a human being. to live with full intent and bring that awareness, that mindfulness, into the very ordinary and mundane parts of my day. we are becoming friends, this small but powerful word and i. i am learning to appreciate all in my life that can feel expansive and full. i am starting to see this attribute in various ways from my lens to my pencil and brush. i hold her close each time i step onto my mat and have felt her encourage me to bring this further. 

to encourage and gently remind me of her presence and possibility, i wear her close, grounded with a shell from my beloved spot, the sea. 

pushing through...

you know, it's funny - sometimes i feel i don't have anything worthwhile to share here and there are those days that little gremlin creeps up and takes hold. so i am just pushing through today...

easter came and went with baskets, egg hunts, candy, melt-downs, a lovely meal made by nana, and i am sure probably more candy (it's a celebration of a season, isn't it? that's candy worthy...) 

today i came home, to gather up the pirates and a grandparent and walk by the sea. the sunshine was far too inviting and finally the rain seems to have taken a backseat, at least for today. we hit the shore, watched the surfers, and then someone got sand in the eye and a total melt-down followed. some days parenting is just plain hard. soothing words and kind gestures just don't seem to do the trick and you are left standing there wondering, what now??? 

i came in and passed by the kitchen window and there she was...and she whispered. that's it, simply love through it - through the hard days, the messy moments, the melt-downs, the screaming...through it all. no, it's not easy - i get that, i expected that and yet within all of that i need to also gently remind myself (again). 

thus far...

the calvary has arrived...the grandparents are here for a visit. a break in the routines for everyone, and that is cherished by all. as it always seems, now is my turn for a cold, but it's okay because the house is full of love and support which helps to soften the blow a bit. the boys are enjoying their vacanze di pasqua and we all hope that the sun is able to shine her beauty through the ever present gray clouds that seem to be permanently hung from the sky these days.

i am taking inventory of the year so far and seeing if it's unfolding with the personal changes i had hoped to strengthen a bit more in 2013. in some ways it has, as i am establishing a daily meditation practice and hope to recharge my yoga practice back into a daily one. as my plate has filled, my early mornings have seemed to require a few minutes more sleep than my yoga mat. i find that only working yoga in just several times a week just doesn't fulfill what i need.

my return to physical therapy since the beginning of the year to help with a realignment issue is beginning to feel fruitful. this week, i ran for the first time in many months with minimal pain to follow. 

lately, my hands have been busy creating some custom necklaces and that has filled my heart knowing that they will be shared among girlfriends. i have known all along, but am reminded often, how incredibly important our girl tribes are in our lives. they help us navigate through the many joys, heartbreaking sorrows, challenges, surprises and the BS life can present. they accompany us with laughter, bouy with support, nurture with an open heart, and lift with a encouraging word or ear.

wishing each of you a beautiful spring and buona pasqua! xx

 

gazing skyward...

it was one of those weekends, the ones where the weather just doesn't seem to know which season it belongs in yet. we had snow flurries that were big, fluffy and beautiful as they fell gently yesterday morning. i was surrounded by squealing, giggling boys who kept asking when we'd be able to go out and build a snowman. but sadly, only a couple hours later the sun was out and the snow gone.

just last weekend we hiked out and about around here and the crocus were stretching their pretty little heads skyward, welcoming the coming of spring. seems many of us feel the same way...

hibernating...

i have been hibernating lately. hiding out from gray and rainy days, a sick little pirate who has been battling illness for weeks, full-plates at work, gremlin voices, hip pain and physical therapy, merely taking cover from the sometimes crushing weight of merely the everyday things. i am retreating from short fuses, short tempers, reactive words, and tired whines. 

i feel like the first weeks of january were energizing and dream plotting only to have the wind suddenly die down these last few weeks, and my boat merely sailing around in circles.

i am having to call in reserves, turning to moments of pointed self-care, over-turning many pebbles in search for glimpses of beauty and finding merely moments of stillness long enough to be able to acknowledge them. with each exhalation, i remind myself that it will pass. it always does. the sun always breaks through the clouds and the rains always stop.

a greeting...

i have been searching...listening for words lately, but they seem to become swallowed up in the day to day busyness. this year i turn 40 (eeeeks....even writing that feels so strange). and while i don't usually get caught up in a number, this one feels kinda important and i find myself thinking of it often.

somedays i feel a bit giddy at the mere sound of it. other days, it feels utterly surreal. and then there are those other days, the ones when i start thinking that by now i should be more (insert many an adjective here) or by now i should have done .... or by now i should feel more (fill in the blank).

don't get me wrong, i relish every slight wrinkle for they all remind me of memorable moments along the way. i have earned every gray hair and while i cringe when i see a new one, i like to think each one contains wisdom....that i am slowly collecting.

above all, i am hopeful that i will meet 40 this summer and greet her gracefully, liked a welcomed friend. 

connectedness...

"be the change you wish to see in the world"

i have been thinking lately about how all life is connected...how we all are. i find the mere thought of this a bit mind-blowing, powerful, and sacred.

it's a funny thing, timing. this weekend we watched this film (which i really liked) and it made me think about connections i have encountered lately which shook me gently by the shoulders. nothing earth shattering, more a whisper the universe sends in your direction across a breeze.

as we walked along the river, i glanced up and saw this sign hanging from the windows.