sperlygirl

connectedness...

"be the change you wish to see in the world"

i have been thinking lately about how all life is connected...how we all are. i find the mere thought of this a bit mind-blowing, powerful, and sacred.

it's a funny thing, timing. this weekend we watched this film (which i really liked) and it made me think about connections i have encountered lately which shook me gently by the shoulders. nothing earth shattering, more a whisper the universe sends in your direction across a breeze.

as we walked along the river, i glanced up and saw this sign hanging from the windows. 

 

holding hope...

this past week has been full and busy for us with christmas shows, holiday parties, last days of school, and a mad dash to the doctor to diagnose another round of strep throat just in time for the holiday.

but amist all the bustle and busyness, i have been trying to navigate my own reactions to the tragedy in CT last friday...as a mother, a teacher, and a human being. my heart (along with many across the globe) broke when i heard the news last week. i have been wanting to be near my two little pirates, hug them close, and marinate in their presence as often as possible. i walked into my classroom this week and viewed it with a perspective now forever changed. and my thoughts drift often to those who are burdened with such a heavy grief, and i keep them close to my heart, holding them in light. 

the issues surrounding this tragedy are many, complex, and multi-faceted and i do have personal opinions on several, but there is one thought i keep coming back to. it is a lesson i have learned (and am retaught often) by my own little boys...that there is such hope and wonder to be found by simply being fully present around a child.

as the holidays draw near, i wish just that for you. may you allow yourself some time to truly witness the world through the eyes of a child. really listen to what they are trying to tell you, to show you, to share with you. their discoveries and explorations of the world around them and their being able to honestly share this with you without judgement, interruption, or distraction is a gift to both of you. may you be able to open your heart to listen and really hear them. and may this precious exchange bring hope, wonder, and peace to your own heart. with that peace, may we all find our own ways of bringing hope and gratitude into our daily lives and sharing it with others. 

love and light...

there are no words, but instead, lighting a candle and holding those families in CT close to our hearts. may our collective love and light help to buoy the weight of the heartbreaking grief.

 

reaching for the sunshine...

i was hoping to come back to this space a bit renewed, refreshed, and much more healthy feeling....not yet.

we were at a doctor again friday for yet another ear infection.

we had a bit of sunshine yesterday and took a walk out in it (merely because we all have severe cabin fever), so armed with packs of tissues and scarves wrapped snug, off we went. here's what they don't warn you - you can aid illness with medicines and homeopathic remedies, but what about the crankiness, grumpiness, and all around short tempers that come with it. mamma mia!!

okay,enough with the wallowing - let me just extend a big heartfelt thank you for the kind words, gestures, emails and cards that you have shared. november has hit us with a mighty wallop and i am pretty sure it greyed me more than i'd like to admit, but i have taken each of your well-wishes to heart and they have buoyed me like you will never know. xx

claiming vulnerability...

warning, this post is not a pretty one. it is a shot of my reality at the moment which is virus laden, raw, and weary.

too often, with all our social media venues, we only capture life's beauty. i have no problem with that, in fact, it's what i seek out in my own life and here on my blog. but sometimes a dose of life's not so pretty side is a portal for truth and vulnerability and i am sitting right there in the middle of those two.

for the last four weeks, the pirates seem to have caught some nasty viruses. we have had ear infections, strep throat, a stomach virus, chest x-rays, and yet another ear infection (hoping this one doesn't wind up with a ruptured ear drum...had a bit of concern this morning but so far so good, fingers crossed). i have tended to kai, ryder and j as they passed around germs and i seemed to stay immune...until today, when the plague finally found me.

couple this with the undercurrent of nostalgia that comes at this time of year and the ripple of emotion as we notice the passing of time. it was just a year ago that we unexpectedly lost a dear and  most treasured friend, leaving a hole that will never fill, and disbelief that time has ticked on so at a moment when our worlds seemed to cease to rotate. 

this is when life overseas becomes not so glamorous and when you long for simple comforts from home. this is when the gray days feel damper, darker, and drearier. this is when you write a post and hover over the delete key for fear you sound like you are being totally over-dramatic, which you are, but it's still real. it's that rawness that feels even more so when you are sick. 

it will pass, we will heal and viruses will go, our friend is always remembered this time and more (and by so many who loved him), the weather will once more find the sun, it always does. but for now, i am owning this moment of vulnerability and all her tenderness. 

most precious of all...

i was talking with a girlfriend the other day about the passing of time and growing older.

we were commiserating at how quickly it all seems to be passing. it's true isn't it? it's like once you reach 30 everything begins to speed up. throw kids into the mix and you've hit turbo speed, as they are such a marker of the passing of time. many of my girlfriends have 'milestone' birthdays coming up this year, as do i, this summer. and as surreal as the number sounds to me, there is also some sort of liberation that seems to accompany it. at this point in my life, i have come to realize that time is more precious than anything else. i try to be more mindful how i fill it, how i spend it, and how i appreciate it.

my precious friend shared this great tune with me recently (love to you mamag). i love it! yes, i do. this is going to become my new theme song. oh yes it is!

11 things i believe to be true...

this weekend i found myself seaside as often as possible. when i am there my mind is always flooded with thoughts. these were just a few...

11 things i believe to be true (because 10 just didn't cover it)~

1. love is more powerful than hate - no matter what 

2. long baths and a cup of hot tea may not heal, but sure help to mend

3. sunsets hold magic

4. the sea heals us in ways we may never fully comprehend

5. a handwritten thank you is not a chore but rather an offering of the heart

6. growing older doesn't mean losing youth but acquiring wisdom (note to self: remember this one often)

7. no matter how late or how tired i may feel, it's important to go back in, kiss them goodnight again and be sure they are sleeping peacefully

8. a good run or sequence on my yoga mat can help me find my center, tap into source, and breathe in the beauty around me

9. we are all creative beings, our mediums may differ vastly, but our creativity emerges in how we choose to share our experiences of this life with the world. 

10. winged creatures bring messages 

11. an unexpected letter in the mail (a real one...snail mail) from someone dear - is a gift

finding beauty in a moment...

monday was a beautiful day. i didn't have to work, and in turn, was able to take both pirates to school, then hang out at a favorite bar for a caffe. i went for a run in the morning and then wandered to the beach where i ran along the shore and just hung out to watch the surfers and sift through shells. 

on my way out to run, i found a dragonfly laying on our gate. his belly was facing skyward and his movements sparse. i carefully slid him onto a leaf and set him gently under a tree in the indirect glow of a soft sunbeam. i looked at his beautiful eyes, the colors reflecting off his iridescent wings, the brightness of his belly.  i sent him a bit of golden light as he drifted off to what i sure were his final few moments. for whatever reason, that moment has lingered in my thoughts since, staying with me...i am not sure why...

that afternoon, i finally cracked open a couple large canvases. it's been awhile, but i feel like there is something that is needing to be expressed. this time though, i am letting the painting tell me. no idea where it will take me, perhaps it is here too where my soul needs to wander a bit, or perhaps it was the wandering that lead me here. it's hard to say. 

rainy mornings...

october has swooped in...and autumn with it. as i was hesitating to let go of summer (apparently through the entire month of september) here came fall and with her harvest moons, thunderstroms, evenings that feel better wrapped in a sweater, and cups of chai tea that call my name. i am readying myself.

there is nothing like listening to the rain fall outside while the house is still and quiet in the early morning. (this after a slight powersurge set off all the alarms and clocks just 30 minutes before my alarm goes off... sigh) but i awoke and found peace in that stillness this morning. that's the secret isn't it...how we choose to accept situations. we may not have control over the situation, we may not like the situation, but we always have the choice of our response.

it all sounds so simple, but the reality is that it is not. our response vs our reaction, it is one of those big ol' life lessons or a-ha moments. i have found myself on both ends of that spectrum, although i'd prefer to be on the responsive side most times. sometimes the situation has pulled the rug out from under me and reactivity was my only means of answering. i am learning (and in part with each time i unroll my yoga mat) the silent strength in responding. 

not quite what i had intended to write here today, but i followed anyway. with that, i want to share a beautiful, powerful video. it has been making the rounds lately, but it is so worth it. so very worth it. 

wishing you peaceful rainy mornings...

journeying through september...

wish i could say there has been some actual travel this month to define a journey, but alas, it's been more of an internal one. sorting though some "stuff" that needs sorting, reconfiguring, rebranding, and priorotizing. these journeys are not always enjoyable, but i am gaining some insight and new perspectives and i am okay with that. it allows for more openness in one's heart...a place i am willing to journey towards, afterall.

we headed to the sea one afternoon this week. i needed it, we all did - that magical connection that happens when toes meet sand and ears hear waves and noses detect the scent of humid salt air -- it's as if we released a collective sigh at once. quickly kai & ryder were off running to the water's edge, bare feet, sand finding a new home in jean pockets and pant cuffs. i followed along memorizing giggles, howls at the water, wind-whipped air falling over little eyes, and holding onto newly gathered collections of seaside treasures that were gifted to me by small hands. i photographed moments and captured the rest to the safety of my memory...those are the treasures i hold.